On Depression, Suicide and Insensitive @$$-holes .... [not just IMO]

Robin McLaurin Williams (July 21, 1951 – August 11, 2014) 

It was not so much the sad news of actor/comedian Robin Williams’ passing, so much as some of the responses to it that prompted me to write this post. In the light of his tragic demise, which from all indications seemed to have been a suicide, it was iterated that Mr. Williams was a man severely depressed - herein lies the irony that someone who brought laughter and smiles to millions, over decades, ended his life in sadness. While most of the responses to his tragedy were of sympathy and remorse, in 2014 there are still persons who are ignorant of truly what depression is and how it can lead one to take his own life. They do not understand,or cannot comprehend, rather, the condition of the severely and clinically depressed and suicidal and are oblivious on how to respond to such situations. I also find it interesting to note that several of the persons who declare that persons who commit suicide do not deserved to be mourned or sympathised with, staunchly religious or not, point to so some form of religious or Christian basis for their scorn.

It is coincidental that before this incident, and before the facebook posts and discussions that followed, over the weekend I was reading an article published in the Gleaner entitled “Before you commit suicide ... Think of the pain you will cause”.The author pointed out -I'm not certain with any factual basis - that :

“It is believed that persons who are humble, unselfish and God-fearing are less likely to commit suicide.”

and

“It may be said that those who commit suicide are among the proud, selfish, unkind and ungodly.”

It becomes quite clear that the author has a profound lack of understanding of suicide and it’s major cause, depression.

People are unaware of, or turning a blind eye to, the fact that depression, in the form of depressive disorders, such as Major Depressive Disorder and Manic Depression, are actual medical conditions. More so, it is not purely, or simply, psychological, but the brains of persons with these conditions are physiologically and biochemically different than for the “normal” persons who do not struggle with these conditions. So, whatever the reason might be for anyone’s depression, trivial or not in our eyes, keep in mind that there is more at play than sheer will and “mental strength”. For many it will take medication and extensive treatment and therapy to get through their suffering.

The role of relatives and friends can be very important in helping persons who are depressed and suicidal cope. In fact, I believe, if you lose someone to suicide, save for extreme cases where there has been plenty done to treat the afflicted but still failed, then you should have just a tinge of guilt because it would mean you have failed them. Before we go around calling people selfish and egotistical, let’s ask ourselves, “If our friend or loved one was suffering, what did we do to help?”.

It is far too easy to judge someone when we have never been in a similar situation as them and are unable to empathize. If it is one life lesson I've been slapped with (one that I've actually been conceptualizing a dedicated blog post for) it’s learning just why it is unfair to judge someone whose situation I've never been in, whose shoes I've never walked in and whose skin I've never lived in. We all have our own unique experience in this world,and we are all cut from different cloth, we all can react to the same things in different ways. We cannot measure someone else by our own rule. Be wary of the judgement you pass on other’s and the way you treat them as a result.

My ugly truth is that I have fought with depression and it’s comorbidities. I know what it’s like to feel utterly hopeless, to feel like everything is wrong with no way of fixing. So compelling a condition it can be that it defies good reason and asserts it’s own. It suddenly seems more rational to believe there is no way out but one. It can be only in hindsight that you realize how irrational and unhelpful your thoughts and feelings were in that time. And even after you come to your senses, you can end up right back there again in that sorry state.

There’s a pain you endure. You can’t escape because it’s with you in your room, in your shower,walking to work, at the quiet corner or in the middle of a social gathering. It’s behind every time you’re forced to smile or tell someone you’re “ just tired” because it’s believable and easier than faking it.

But my intention is not to use another few hundred words detailing to anyone what being depressed or suicidal is like. It is just to bring it to the attention of people who don’t stop to try and understand, or accept - if they simply can’t empathize- , a person’s condition before passing judgement.

Look around you. Someone might be suffering and locking themselves in instead of seeking out help, simply because of the shame attached with their experience. The shame perpetuated by a world that preaches toughness, and positiveness and scorns those who are “weak” or “negative” or depressed. The world that really doesn't understand.

So take some time out. Do some reading. Edify yourselves. Stop being a******s .